Everything’s a Pound

AMIR is standing behind the counter of his shop. KEVIN approaches.

KEVIN: Excuse me, could you tell me how much the rain hats are?

AMIR: One pound.

KEVIN: Right. And how much are the iPod cases.

AMIR: They are a pound as well. This is a pound shop. Everything is a pound.

KEVIN: Even the batteries?

AMIR: One pound.

KEVIN: The dog chews?

AMIR: A pound, sir. Everything is a pound.

KEVIN: Do you have anything on offer?

AMIR: Everything is on offer. Everything is a pound.

KEVIN: Any two for ones. Buy One Get One Free?

AMIR: No. Everything’s a pound.

KEVIN: Any old stock that you have reduced?

AMIR: Everything is a pound.

KEVIN: But what do you do with things you can’t sell?

AMIR: I don’t have that problem. Everything sells. Everything is a pound.

KEVIN: What about love?

AMIR: Excuse me?

KEVIN: How much is love?

AMIR: We don’t sell love.

KEVIN: Good job. You couldn’t sell love for a pound. It’s priceless isn’t it?

AMIR: I suppose so, yes.

KEVIN: Truly priceless. You can’t put a price on it. It’s value is immeasurable but you have to give it away for free.

AMIR: Er. Quite.

KEVIN: What about death?

AMIR: Death?

KEVIN: How much is death?

AMIR: We don’t sell death. Though I will admit that the sugar content on the five litre bottles of orange squash is pretty high.

KEVIN: Like it, a joke. So what about freedom?

AMIR: Freedom?

KEVIN: Yes, how much is freedom?

AMIR: I suppose that is another thing that you cannot put a price on.

KEVIN: No. Only love is priceless. Everything else has a price.

AMIR: Well, if we sold it, it would be a pound.

KEVIN: Then why not sell it? Wouldn’t that be great?

AMIR: You could be right.

KEVIN: You know I am. What would you be doing if you didn’t have to be here?

AMIR: Well. By the sea, if I could. I always liked the sea. An apartment overlooking the ocean. I’d go for a walk along the beach every morning, then, in the afternoon, I’d write poetry or paint.

KEVIN: Sounds idyllic.

AMIR: It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.

KEVIN: Then do it. Live the dream.

AMIR takes a pound coin from the till and puts it in KEVIN’s hand.

AMIR: Here.

KEVIN: What are you doing.

AMIR: I’ve just bought you.

KEVIN: What?

AMIR: Everything in the shop is a pound. I told you that. Well, now I have bought you. You belong to me now.

KEVIN: But. What do you want me for?

AMIR pushes KEVIN behind the counter and heads for the door.

AMIR: You run the shop now. I have bought my freedom.

KEVIN: But, I have never worked in a shop. I don’t know what to do.

AMIR: You’ll pick it up in no time. Just remember one thing. Everything’s a pound.

AMIR exits. SALLY approaches.

SALLY: Excuse me. How much are the pen sets?

KEVIN: A pound madam.

SALLY: That’s cheap.

KEVIN: A bargain. Everything is a pound. Madam, have you ever thought if you could put a price on freedom. Do you know what I would be doing right now if I didn’t have to be here?