Everything’s a Pound
AMIR is standing behind the counter of his shop. KEVIN approaches.
KEVIN: Excuse me, could you tell me how much the rain hats are?
AMIR: One pound.
KEVIN: Right. And how much are the iPod cases.
AMIR: They are a pound as well. This is a pound shop. Everything is a pound.
KEVIN: Even the batteries?
AMIR: One pound.
KEVIN: The dog chews?
AMIR: A pound, sir. Everything is a pound.
KEVIN: Do you have anything on offer?
AMIR: Everything is on offer. Everything is a pound.
KEVIN: Any two for ones. Buy One Get One Free?
AMIR: No. Everything’s a pound.
KEVIN: Any old stock that you have reduced?
AMIR: Everything is a pound.
KEVIN: But what do you do with things you can’t sell?
AMIR: I don’t have that problem. Everything sells. Everything is a pound.
KEVIN: What about love?
AMIR: Excuse me?
KEVIN: How much is love?
AMIR: We don’t sell love.
KEVIN: Good job. You couldn’t sell love for a pound. It’s priceless isn’t it?
AMIR: I suppose so, yes.
KEVIN: Truly priceless. You can’t put a price on it. It’s value is immeasurable but you have to give it away for free.
AMIR: Er. Quite.
KEVIN: What about death?
KEVIN: How much is death?
AMIR: We don’t sell death. Though I will admit that the sugar content on the five litre bottles of orange squash is pretty high.
KEVIN: Like it, a joke. So what about freedom?
KEVIN: Yes, how much is freedom?
AMIR: I suppose that is another thing that you cannot put a price on.
KEVIN: No. Only love is priceless. Everything else has a price.
AMIR: Well, if we sold it, it would be a pound.
KEVIN: Then why not sell it? Wouldn’t that be great?
AMIR: You could be right.
KEVIN: You know I am. What would you be doing if you didn’t have to be here?
AMIR: Well. By the sea, if I could. I always liked the sea. An apartment overlooking the ocean. I’d go for a walk along the beach every morning, then, in the afternoon, I’d write poetry or paint.
KEVIN: Sounds idyllic.
AMIR: It’s what I’ve always wanted to do.
KEVIN: Then do it. Live the dream.
AMIR takes a pound coin from the till and puts it in KEVIN’s hand.
KEVIN: What are you doing.
AMIR: I’ve just bought you.
AMIR: Everything in the shop is a pound. I told you that. Well, now I have bought you. You belong to me now.
KEVIN: But. What do you want me for?
AMIR pushes KEVIN behind the counter and heads for the door.
AMIR: You run the shop now. I have bought my freedom.
KEVIN: But, I have never worked in a shop. I don’t know what to do.
AMIR: You’ll pick it up in no time. Just remember one thing. Everything’s a pound.
AMIR exits. SALLY approaches.
SALLY: Excuse me. How much are the pen sets?
KEVIN: A pound madam.
SALLY: That’s cheap.
KEVIN: A bargain. Everything is a pound. Madam, have you ever thought if you could put a price on freedom. Do you know what I would be doing right now if I didn’t have to be here?