Continuity Announcer: With a General Election only weeks away the BBC present a special evening of programming to highlight the political choices available to voters. Starting now!
Voice-over: It’s MasterRace. These six amateur politicians are competing to create a new regime using any of today’s mystery ingredients which include Anti-Semitism, Homophobia, Brain Washing, and Samphire. Nick has always dreamed of being a leader. He is creating a dish of Pays de Blanc.
Nick: Politics is my life. I am currently engaged as a football hooligan but I hope that this programme will make all the difference.
Greg: Hello Nick. What rocks your boat?
Nick: I like big British values. The sort of things my Dad taught me.
Greg: Do you think that is enough to win MasterRace?
Nick: I hope so. I’m bringing in European influences. Germanic and Italian together.
Greg: Well, it’s an unusual combination. Do you think it will work?
Nick: I’m sure of it, I’m going to go all the way.
Greg: How are you going to wow the judges Nick?
Nick: I’m going to give you what you want. Good old British beef.
Greg: It’s lamb.
Nick: Lamb then. But it’s British.
Greg: (Shouting to everyone) You’re almost half way.
Nick: And I’m boiling it up with proper British tomatoes grown in British Greenhouses.
Greg: Sounds a bit bland Nick
Nick: Yeah, well I’m adding stuff in as well you see. Mixing it up.
Greg: You like variety do you Nick?
Nick: Of course mate. Bit boring if we’re all the same isn’t it?
Greg: So what are you going to add to the mix?
Nick: Whatever I can find. I don’t discriminate.
Greg: OK. Time’s up, stop cooking, get your food on the plates now.
Voice-over: Nick has served stewed lamb in a tomato jus, spiced with cumin, chilli, coriander and garam masala.
Greg: This smells good.
Nick: That’s everything that’s great about this country on a plate.
Greg: Do you know Nick, I think I agree with you.
Continuity Announcer: More from MasterRace later this evening when UKIP leader Lord Pearson of Rannoch finds out what it is like to work in a professional French kitchen and that is followed by a special appearance by Nick Clegg in Coalition Street. Coming up in half an hour we have our film Love’s Tory, but, before that, we cross over to Westminster for I’m a Socialist. Get Me Out of Here.