Superstarmart


Jon Anderson, the former singer of progressive rock group Yes, now works on the checkouts of a supermarket. A customer approaches and puts her shopping on the conveyor belt for Jon to scan.

JON: (Scanning a tin of baked beans.) Legumes of the Haricot style.

CUSTOMER: Er, yes.

JON: Pause to stay a while. To be joined in eternity by the bread of life. (He scans a loaf.)

CUSTOMER: Yes, I am in a bit of a hurry actually so…

JON: They rush to their lairs, their lovers to deceive.

CUSTOMER: I beg your pardon!

JON: Soya. Not meat, as they’d have them believe. (He scans some soya mince.)

CUSTOMER:Do you think you could scan the items without making up rhymes about them? I don’t want to be here all day.

JON: She fears the sunset. It reflects in her eyes. Rivers run down her face, mountains come out of skies. (He has given up on the scanning now.)

CUSTOMER: Oh, this is ridiculous!

JON: Her impatience her fatal flaw. The eagle swoops to the shore.

CUSTOMER: Will you just get on with it. I have a pair of shoes I have to return to Emerson, Lake and Palmer before they close.

JON: Her temper is not abated, She expects to be waited.

CUSTOMER: Waited! That’s not even a word. I’ve had enough of this. (She puts the things back in her basket and moves to the next checkout where she is served by Johnny Rotten.)

JOHNNY: Tin of baked beans. The fascist regime. It made you a moron, a potential flatulence bomb.

CUSTOMER: (To camera.) From now on I’ll stick to buying my groceries from Bananarama.